Introduction
Sibling rivalry is normal; daily power struggles are not. The goal isn’t to remove conflict—it’s to teach children how to fight safely and repair well.
Why Conflicts Emerge
Attention/justice needs; temperament and age gaps; household comparisons/labels; lack of negotiation, turn-taking, and regulation skills.
Core Principles
- Parental neutrality: “I referee respect, not blame.”
- Safety first: stop hits, create space, co-regulate.
- Name each child’s feelings and needs.
- Four steps: stop → calm → talk → plan.
- Procedural fairness (timer, lots over time).
- Daily 1:1 time (15–20 minutes) with each child.
Quick Tools
- 3-Minute Mediation: speaker/listener/summary/shared plan.
- Respect Ladder: stop → kind words → clear request → two-person solution.
- Solution Cards: turn-taking, timer, team-up, swap activity.
- Room Rules Board: simple, visual, signed by both.
Avoid
Comparisons, labels, snap judgments, rewarding tattling.
Mini Scenario
Parent ensures safety → one speaks, one mirrors → pick a solution card → set timer → write the agreement.
Takeaway
With neutrality, skills, and respect, rivalry becomes teamwork—and kids learn conflict skills for life.
